nearly died

just came back from dinner, what happened was, i nearly died while eating... it's true!!! dun laugh!

i was eating at the mamak stall la, as you know, a lot of ppl smoking wan la, and i actually, will sesak nafas whenever i smell cigarette smoke, but strangely i dun have asthma, my sis got, but my sis wont sesak nafas, strange right?
but this time is different, when i tengah eating right, i smell the smoke, and i couldnt breathe AT ALL! i was so scared!!! like im dying for that few minutes, i dunno how long la.. but it was really scary, i even scared my mom and my popo... now i really pantang ppl smoke...

worst experiance of my life!

being attack!!!

today, after the metropolitan park, on the way back la, i really feel like being attack by 2 ppl... they keep asking question about someone la... i dun mind them asking wan, and im not angry or anything, but i really feel upset lor... coz all of them is just hearing one side of the story... and when im trying to explain, i start to think, actually, its no use explaining, coz no matter how many times i try to explain no one will understand, so why bother? so i just give up trying explaining, think whatever they want la... im very tired dy...

i dunno whats with human also, if i dun talk to him they say i heartless, or whatever it may be, if i talk to him, they say i naik miang, what they want? im not trying to please them, but i just dun wanna discourage a few ppl i know la... i really understand now why more and more ppl want to leave church...

anyways, after the conversation, i reached home and waited for my cousins to go home, then i went to my room and started to think a lot, why is it, always me getting blame for everything... and no one ever feels that way but me... that time i really wanted to tell the both of them, i know he is a good guy, but i dun like means i dun like, and i already told him clearly and strictly... i even hurt him... and i get hurt also... and do you think i had a choice, i dont, he himself wanted to wait for so long and i din even bother him... is that my fault?! i know that this person will read this, but im not trying to discourage or anything that you can think of la, but i really need to release everything that is stuck inside me... if i dun let it out, i might burst in anger one day...

blame it on me, coz im just unpredictable, no one can understand me, not even my mom, we might look very close, but she doesnt really understand me, so, even my mom cant understand me, not even other girls will, coz he just fall in love with a devil... that's his fault then... if they say im heartless, fine, heartless is what they get...

kena Tag pulak

1. What do you like the most?
animals i guess

2. The thing(s) you desire the most.
not very desprete for anything at the moment...

3. The thing(s) you value the most.
friendship, relationship (family and friends)

4. Important treasure.
God's love.

5. The most expensive item you've bought.
Rm 180 a present for siew mei...

6. When do you feel happiness?
everyday, coz i know im blessed with family and friends

7. What made you sad recently?
arguement that time.... but now not sad anymore la...

8. Thing(s) you want to learn.
nothing

9. Your dream when you were young.
i forgot...

10. If there's US$100 million, how will you use it?
1st! give half of it back to God, then the other half! enjoy!!!

11.If you're going on a vacation, what one thing will you bring?
my clothes, my family or friends, a lot a lot of things la...

12. If you have 3 wishes.
i dunno wor... im feeling very content

13. When was the last time you cried?
yesterday... watch tv hahahahaha

14. Do you feel happiness now?
YUP!!!

15. What does life mean to you?
life is like a trial... there are a lot of things you have to go through and a lot of things that you can learn from God's beautiful creation

16. If you can only bring 3 things with you.
umm... water, purse and handphone

17. If you can only live one more year.
spend more time with God, Family and friends

18. Tag 5 person.
kayson, yannie, pui mun, ernest, yvonne

Im accepted!!

today when i woke up, there is a msg from TARC, im accepted!!!! ahahha, actually, that time i was really really blur, i din know what the msg mean, so i ask my sis,

Sis: Oh... you are accepted la...
Me: (after 5 seconds) oh... (suddenly woke up from blurness)?! har what?! AHHHH!!!yeah yeah!!!! (going crazy)
Sis: =.=" blurnya budak ni
Me: >:P

hahaha!!! im accepted!!! faster congratulate me la... ohohohoho...

then i went to bathe, change, go work...

i think im getting tired of working dy, really feel like slacking sometimes... hahhaa.. today aunty veron ask me to check the payment vouchers... check until my backache and headache also, headache bcoz there are some payment vouchers that i cannot find, then i was pissed! so many of them... backache bcoz the table is too low, until my knee, and i was sitting on a soft soft cushion, and i was half bending... pain until, cannot move after finishing everything..

YESTERDAY...
working also, then 6.30pm i got make up class, my sis as my model, yesterday i learn tv make up! really fun... and now i know actually the stars on tv shows are not as pretty as you think they ar... all because of the thick thick very thick make up! hahaha.. so, make up class also can learn a lot of things, not just make up.. really glad my mom forced me to take make up... actually, i only wanna learn hairstyling only, but my mom forced me to take the make up course also la... one more bad thing about the class is... i have to find models! if not... i cant go to class... so if any of you girls are free, pls inform me, i really really need a model every thursday night...

i think thats all... for today and yesterday..
nitez...

Pictures

>
i finally got the pictures of satuday's outing with my group...


Haha.. commander washing my feet, actually, very comfortable wan...


in mcdonals with eemay and yvonne!


me and my fav dark chocolate.. bought it in a korean mart inside galaxy ampang

finaly, in the cinema, actually, we are not allowed to take cameras inside... naughty us XD

I was happy, until...

an arguement came along... we were chatting like normal (msn), then he told me actually is mood is not good la... fine, i was trying to cheer him up, and i havent say a word of cheering him up, kena scolding pulak! he scold me is fine wan, but he keep saying about the 2 of us!!! which is not my fault, but blame me, blah blah blah... maybe to him it doesnt sound like blaming la, but if u really read what he say, 100% blaming me!!! and say as if like i dun even know how it feels, and actually, he never know what i have gone through... maybe to him its no biggie... coz im a play girl, i never really loved someone before, but the things he said to me, really make me feel..... i also dunno how to explain...

then i was so sad, really wanted him to shut up... but he still talk... until i lose my cool... then just so called yelled at him... then i really need someone to talk to, but everyone seem to be buzy except for ernest, so just IM him, but he seem to be kindda buzy la... so forget it... then i cried (not because of the arguement, coz got some memories i remambered)... until now in a bad mood...

what a day

today is a really buzy day for me, keep rushing the whole day, and i also din go for my vocal replacement... so tired, today wake up at about 10 am, then send my sis to work, about 11 something, went to the sungai buluh hospital with mom, for her check up la, until 4.30 pm... then 5 pm i got practice with yow looi they all, so buzy, until no time to eat lunch and dinner, so come back 10 something cook maggi... hahha, actually i dun feel like eating jor ge, but hor.. that davina la, keep saying, go home eat your dinner ar... if not you gastric pain again ar... hahaha, anyways what she say is very true... coz both of us also got same problem... hahaha

rite, today presentation, walao eh... nervous gila!!! coz lack of practice ma... and i always fobia last minute things wan, but everything is ok la, i hope, at least i think ok la, din embarass myself... hahaha, i was shaking and i feel a bit dizzy, dunno why when i am nervous i'll feel dizzy, hard to breath, shaking also, maybe everyone also like that la

today when i went to the hospital, i was so damn angry, the nurse was like, so sombong, like talking to us will shorten her life like that... where the bloddy hell is her mannars!!! stupid... then my mom said: dun be so angry, goverment hospitals are like that wan... then i said: this fella is going in my blog tonight... hahaha, you guys should have seen the way she talk to my mom, really.... ARGHH!! really feel like saying some dirty words to her, but cannot.. have to be patient with everyone, coz im a christian.. and also bcoz my mom is there. hahaha.. but still, im very angry bcoz of the way she talk to my mom...

today is a very tired day for me, no... actually is the whole week... haiz... well, im sleepy now, good night..

Tired..

i am so tired today, well, yesterday i went to my cousins place to stay over, and then celebrated me aunty's 48th Bday, today we leave at 2.00 pm, reached sungai wang, green box, celebrated, my two other cousin... jack = came back from NS, and another one is a farewell party for my other cousin, coz he is leaving to shanghai tomorrow, so we took a lot of pics, but im just gonna show some of the nice ones... hahaha...


this is chiaw er...


this is sze hong


me and jack, my closest cousin..


me and sze yung


jamie and me


me, arthur and chiaw er


group pic...


another group pic..


boys will be boys...


chiaw er and jamie


me, chiaw er and jamie..


jack became gay after he come back from NS lol!!!


what are they trying to do??


taking pics with MR. DIGI


oh no...


me and arthur... also consider close cousin la.. hahah


everybody!!


so violent...


aiyo... come back from NS kena tumbuk by leng luis... hahha


haha... taken by arthur


a crazy pic


sing until so high... hahaha need to stand up


with the DIGI man again..

and i have to rush back to church for practice after all these, so quite tired dy... tomorrow is my presentation... so nervous.. well, thats all.. drop comments on the Cbox ya... nitez...

wonder why...

i really wonder why... why does she dislike me that much, anyways, today during work, i recieved a msg from my friend.. she quite 8 wan la... she told me everything about another girl= (B) whom i also know, talk bad about me, but not exactly talk bad la... more like... i also dunno how to explain... so my friend who is very 8=(A) told me everything that (B) said, she really sounded like she hate me so much, but why? i dont recall doing anything bad to her... i hope not also la... and moreover im the one who brought her to church, and she go tell everybody that she brought me to church... this is just minor probs la.. the other thing is she always pretend to be so close to me whenever (A) is with me... and tends to snatch away my friends... but she won't get to snatch all also la... lolx.. and everything i do she will do, am i that influencial? or maybe just to her? hahah.. well maybe i should just let her be, but the more i let her be, the more she kacau me... hahaha... i cannot really figure out what she wants or up too...

well.. my cousins day out has been pospone to 20th march... and on the 19th, im staying over at my cousin's house, i'll take more pics so that you guys wont be so boring just reading... im so lucky to be so close with all my cousins... thank God also... many ppl envy me also... well, maybe not all, but most of them hahaha.. lucky our age gape is not too far also...

yesterday i was working, and then go for piano class, and then go for practice, haiz... actually, i was already very tired, and i thought i was the only one, until wai loon shows up, he was like sooooo quiet, and his expression was so down, sad, tired... i know sometimes he might be tired because of work la, but i've never seen this b4... so scary also...

today i also go for my vocal class, because of period i dun have a lot of energy to sing.. actually is my last day dy, but dunno why everytime first day and last day, my perut kembong... and i can really feel like the air is pushing my tummy, like its going to burst... so uncomfortable... cannot really sing, lucky my teacher is a girl, so she end the class as fast as possible for me... oh ya! and today in work i was so angry, there's one staff he always call me to do things, like im his maid, last time he ask me to clean the whole toilet, then sweep the floor mop the floor, and even clean his room, and cut apples for him to eat, bancuh milo for him!! then my mom say i shouldnt so all these things, coz im not working for him, then i think... ya my mom makes sense, so i stop doing things for him la.. so then today he keep asking me to do things, so i say cannot, y? coz i dun work for you la... then he was like begging me to do things then i end up scolding him... he is just too much!!! so i ignored him... ok, i think i have to stop now, i talk too much... hahah..

nitez...

bored...

kindda bored today... wake up 8 am or so... brush, clean up, change go church, come back about 2 something i guess... dun really know what to blog, well, today in Bible class, was fun... i got the correct information... ohohohohoho.. oh, and friday (good friday) night, having a presentation, a petra all stars presentation... last minute, everything last minute... really scared of last minute things... scared i will embarass myself again...

well... cant wait for 19th to come... coz its COUSINS DAT OUT!!! no adults... ehehehhe... ppl say i laugh kindda evil... lol do i? miss my cousins... im organizing the events... sien.. everytime also me... i always hate to plan things... but what to do... the boys all useless if ask them to plan hahaha... girls all buzy also... including me la..

haiz... tomorrow have to go back to work again, practice juggeling again, balloons, and my clown make up... and also coustume... havent found which one i like... haiz, my mood today quite sien... wish there is something to do now... stuck in net dunno do what... oh tomorrow got piano class, and practice also... buzy again.. and tired... faster finish my grade 5 and i wanna quit my piano class... too tired and rushing for me...

maybe i should say something about myself... since i just wanna waste my time
what friends say about me :-

-unpredictable
-wacky
-lovable
-38 poh... (if you know what that means)
-lots of suprise
-fun to be with
-concerned and caring
-outgoing
well, there is more this is the good things they say about me la...

here are the bad things

-noisy
-likes to cari pasal
-bully :p (i cant help it... sorry)
-tomboy (in school and at home only, in church cannot hahaha after will frighten ppl)
-discusting at times (the things i say la)
ya, and a lot more...

i think thats all... bye

Memories..

well, dun really know what to write, so this is just a memory of me with my dad, well, i once thought that i have a 'perfect family' until the day he left us when i was standard 4, it din hurt me that much. coz i was too young to understand adult thingy... so a few years later, when my eldest bro died of dunno wat intestine problem, i reunited with him when i was form 4, i heard the things that i wanted to hear my whole life from him... like i love you, im very proud of you, and he even came to church and hear me sing... and also always go to his house to visit him and eat dinner together, and do stuff... and i din know having a dad was so fun... prayed and ask for things that are impossible, like wish that he would live with us again, and he would never leave me again... but he died in 5th dec 2007... that was the day i regreted that i did not visit him in the hospital, when he is infected my a virus called tubercollosis (TIBI) for short... and his elder sis (my aunt), scolded my family and said that we are just acting sad when he died, coz, we din go and see him when he was in the hospital, i was so pissed, but i have nothing to say, coz, i also felt sad.. and that time when he was in hospital, SPM is drawing near.. i couldnt study at all...

so i din get too good for my results... not bad either... average la... but i couldnt stop thinking about my dad though... well there's so much to say about him, but if i were to tell... i think you'll fall asleep, but if your intrested can IM me in msn or just ask me straight in church

well enough of my dad, lets talk about church! well, i FINALLY found the information im suppose to do in vincent's class oh... i hate bibiology... i dun like it when we all have to do all this stuff... haha.. but i love his class very very much, atleast he make you talk, and his class is very very interesting... im lucky i get to be in his class.. i wish i never change teacher... (again wishing something impossible) but SHIT i cant print it out!!! ARGHHH!!! stupid printer... nevermind, try to restart the whole thing after im done blogging, i already stop blogging ever since my dad died, so now start all over again... hahaha..

my group GIDEON!!! the mighty warriors!!! if you dunno wats this about check out this site... http://gideon.petrayouth.com/ well, today we went to see movie, actually we are suppose to see 10,000 B.C but bcoz most of them seen it so we watch spiderwick instead... it was really nice.. chun man... but quite fake and funny la... haha. niways, enjoyed the movie... and came back home around 10 something...

working life? well, im a clown.. do you believe me? hahaha.. many ppl wouldnt, but i really am, my name is chubby de clown, why chubby? bcoz, im fat, and i heard it from a lot of ppl, especially a boy whom i know when i was a kid... well, so what? i still got a lot of ppl want... hahaha... being perasan... oh ya, just wanna share this, on thursday, i went to general hospital to visit cancer children, so b4 that i was expecting ppl like in their teens, younger than me la... like 13 14 15 like that... but when i went in, 8, 9, years old... and even 9 months old baby, they were so happy to see me, but im not, and that also reminds me how God has blessed me sooooo much...

and i have my best friend her name is siew mei, well, after form 5 we never really called each other often anymore, coz all of us also buzy with our working lifes, me a clown, and she a kindergarden teacher, a lot of kids like her... she so adorable... haha... well, this is a few pics of me and my gal ;)