Spams & Perverts

All these while, i have been getting spam messages on this phone app called LINE. And the worst thing is i've been getting pervy messages from guys AND GIRLS. Asking me am i free and they feel a little naughty and ask me to come over and play.

And the guys just snaps pictures of their dick and send it to me. or just send stickers of hearts and said that they loved me. When they don't know who the hell i am.

Then i started to think, How did they even find me?! and some of the girls did not know i am also a girl. is my profile picture at the top left not looking girlish enough? or i just look masculine all these while?? and also do others really respond to them when they send these harassing messages? Do they really get "business"?

So JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY i wanted to reply this girl who sent me a text and ask her to stop what she is doing and tell her to have some self-respect, but she just keeps on talking dirty to me, and i asked, Do you even read a single word i typed? and im not interested, and she said, well, you must be a virgin then, and she got more excited, and i got really disgusted and told her to stop, and she thought that im gay. thats when i realized she didnt know that i was a girl all this time. But of course i stop replying her, and leave it at that.

Compared to the pervy messages i've received i got more girls than guys, i mean, all these while, i know majority of girls are more pervy than guys, and im actually not that surprised... but even that, girls, IF there are any girls reading this, please dont do these kind of stuff, we deserve to be respected and treated like a lady, not a whore. And the best way is to respect ourselves first. Doing these kind of stuff cheaps you down, and guys wont even have any respect for you, lets face it, even though a guy would actually respond to you, do you actually think he will want you to be his girlfriend that he can bring home to meet his family? They just see you as a free lunch. even though if they have to pay for your company, they still wont respect you.

And i know most of the people in the world are already like that, and they see nothing wrong with it. but i still feel girls should be the way they were, gentle, feminine, conservative, polite. etc
I also know I'm not all of that. but at least i don't look around texting strangers for sex. and girls like that are hard to find already, and that's what makes you all the more precious and special!

Call me old fashion or conservative, i like it that way.

Apologies

I'm So Sorry.....

This thought just pop-ed into my mind, the word "Sorry" don't really make you feel better (or me.... at least). Now, im not saying situations like a person accidentally bump into you and apologize. Or a friend accidentally hit you in the eye. 

The situations im talking about is, maybe, you got betrayed by your best friend, or your spouse. Or you got bullied in high school. I AM NOT BEING EMO. i promise. i just had a good time of thinking about my past. 

i remember when he kept on saying sorry, because he finally decided to tell me the real reason for leaving me, and i had to BEG him to stop saying sorry.

Mainly because the more he said it, the more pain i felt, every sorry, hurts even more. And Sorry, makes me feel more anger, hatred and devastated. SO, sorry doesn't help AT ALL. 

And also the time my dad said sorry for leaving us, of course i forgave him, but i still have thoughts of blaming him for leaving because i didn't have the chance to experience what it was like having a Father and growing up with one. And honestly, i still feel pretty sad about it. And not to mention extremely jealous when i see fathers playing with their children, big or small. 

And also, bullying, well, i have been bullied, all my life in fact, but my type of bullying is a lot of teasing, at first it was fine, but the  "jokes" became more judgmental. To a point that no one had any respect for me or even think of my feelings. And i still remembered i used to DRAG my feet to see my friends, because they are the only ones i've got left. but after each and every meeting, i came home, feeling even MORE miserable about myself, to a point where i actually hate every part of me. 

And i always had a thought of standing up for myself, and stop all the mean comments they have been laughing about me, and i would always imagine, 2 outcomes which is possible to happen:

1. They laugh at me even more. i unfriend them. The End.

2. They felt guilty, and apologized. 

and when i thought of #2. the first (very brief) feeling i've got, is YEAH! In YO FACE! i thought i would feel really really good. but the more i thought of it. It doesn't make me happier. Because i was thinking, what are you sorry for? for making me feel miserable about myself? and you think "SORRY" would cover it? all those tears and self esteem issues which i still have. Sorry doesn't help. And i don't even want to hear them say it. And then after loads of thinking, i decided to just kept quiet.

But, saying you're sorry are manners which our parents taught us. but in serious situations like these, i would rather, that person who hurt me, just forgets about saying sorry. because it doesnt help and makes me feel worse.

However, Im a Weird Person. it doesnt apply to everyone. just me i guess. =) 

Why am i still single.

Heyyyyy~!

i have trouble signing in to blogger. why is that?? anyway, today my topic is to feed your curiosity, come to think of it, i think its been 3 years i'I've been single, Oh how time flies... 

So, many questions/ statements I've encountered with ppl who knows what happened in my previous relationship, is:-

1. when are u gonna find a bf?
2. are you still single?
3. when is it ur turn? (to get married)
4. pls find someone, u need a bf.
5. how come are u still single?
6. Oh My! you're still single?! come, let me introduce you to some handsome eligible bachelors..
7. Whats your name, age, and are you available? Samantha wants to know. 
8. You're 23, u need to find someone and get married and take care of you. 
9. I'm worried about you.

Okay, im serious, the 7th one really did happened, and i was shocked to hear that someone say that to a new friend, because it made me sound so desperate, i get that its a joke. but its not funny to me, nor to that person, you should have seen the horror on his face. LOL and after that, i didn't talk to that new friend, because i was afraid he really thought that i was desperate. 

And the 9th one came from my best friend, LOL, im more worried about him, than he is about me. =p And i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. 

So don't worry~ Beeeeee happy~!

Now, i think i should sort this out, and to let you understand why im still single, 

• Its not easy to get a boyfriend

yup, its not easy at all, well, maybe to some girls it is easy because they have a face and body of a super model which every guys look for. For me, im short, fat, and average looking (i hope) kind of girl, and given the very bad experience of my previous relationship, its not as easy to find someone else. because some thing in me is very defensive. and it feels like it has a mind of its own. and i cant stop that kind of feeling. and its not like i have no standards, i mean u don't expect me to just grab a random guy and that'll do. im not desperate. 

and yes, i have ppl telling me to go on a diet, i will look much more prettier. but, the problem is, i don't want a guy that likes me because im pretty, and i know its first impression kind of thing, but, i want a guy who likes me for who i am, no matter what size im in, or how i look like. i mean, i will feel and trust that guy more better if a guy will actually like me in the state that i am in now. Which is a wreck. LOL Just Kidding. 

• I LOVE YOU

I cant say these words anymore. to the opposite sex, or at least it will be very hard to get me to say it. i have no problems saying this to my family though. 

• I have not been thinking of being in a relationship, for 3 years. 

Don't get me wrong, i do miss it, i miss falling in love, i miss going on dates, i miss having a bf, but i just miss the feeling, it just didn't make me feel that i want a relationship again. And im not saying i want to be single my whole life, its just that i haven't meet the right one, i guess? So i think what im trying to say is, Im feeling very neutral. if there is a guy who would ask me out on a date, and that i trust him enough, i will go.. but for now im still enjoying being single, and going with "the flow" and see where it leads me. 

• No guy is attracted to me. 

at the moment. LOL, like i said, i am nothing like the super hot girls that i mentioned earlier.

Where's Your Manners?

Hi Guys~!

Yes, today im gonna talk about manners, its a very common thing, but people usually forgets about them. And the sad thing is that some people dont know that there is such things as manners.

Now, im a very very easy-going kinda person when we're friends, i dont need you to say "Please" or "Thank You" every time you need something from me, or took something from me. That's if we're friends.

So the other day, i was in class. (Learning Nail Art) and i was in the 4-D art class, i was pretty excited about it. So all we needed is a black paper, acrylic colours, brushes and tissues!

So this girl (whom i did not know at all) did not bring tissues. and she said to me.  P/S: The conversation is in mandarin (just so you know...)

Girl: Give me a tissue. (In a commanding tone)
Me: (Got taken aback) oh.... *Hands over a piece of tissue*

And guess what?! she did not even say Thank You.. of course i was quite angry that time and i wanted to say to her after handing over the tissue "Oh here you go! You're so damn welcome!" but of course, since she only speaks mandarin i guess she wouldn't understand it.

I'm not a selfish kind of person, i understand its just a piece of tissue. but hello! these are basic manners, if she wants one, can't she just ask nicely? i guess i wouldn't be so mad if she said Thank you after that. but she didn't. I mean, even if she didn't ask for it and maybe somehow i noticed that she doesn't have a tissue, i would automatically give her one piece to her.

But my question is, how can a person not know even the very basic manners?

• The magic words: "Please and Thank you."

Or should i switch my question to how can parents not teach manners to their children?? because its so important that, it should not have slip out of their minds! i mean already there are so many people i've met that doesnt have enough manners.... 

• people don't hold the door open for people behind them. 
• or press the open door elevator button for people who's coming in. 
• people who rush into elevator/train without waiting for others to come out first. 
• people who don't say sorry when they accidentally hurt you.

Loads of other stuff, but i have had never seen someone like her. Believe me, i was tempted to say to her, while handing over the tissue "You know, it would be nice to say please when you need something from someone." or "could you say please?"

but i dont want to sound stuck up and scare her and make her think that im not friendly, because these kind of things will never sound friendly and gentle, no matter how much effort you put in it.. because its kind of sensitive i think.. plus having ANYONE telling you your faults is never a good feeling. 

so i hope you people out there, i don't care if you're a parent, sibling, teacher or FRIEND. if you know people who are like that, you need to start teaching them manners. Because they might get bashed up if they are so rude...

=D Byeeeeeee!

Feeling of being NEW

Hey Everyone!

So, I've been meaning to talk about this but, i mostly forgot. i have no valid reason. hahaha.. sowee

Okie! so I hate the feeling of being new, as in being a newcomer. or making new friends. or trying new things. i am a person who will always stay in my comfort zone until i die, or get kicked/dragged out by force.

so even when in my comfort zone, has people that bullies/teases me, backstabbing me. i will still stay in it. Like, no matter what. because those are the people i know. and i'm comfortable with. even though they sometimes make me a little uncomfortable.  i especially hate going to new places such as a new church. please do not misunderstand, I AM A CHRISTIAN. I LOVE GOD, I DON'T HATE CHURCHES, I JUST HATE BEING NEW IN A CHURCH. I JUST HATE THE FEELING OF BEING NEW. 

The reason is because, you have to make new friends. im not a friendly type of person if you hadn't notice, because i am surprisingly SUPER SHY. and i normally wait for people to come talk to me. so i have been attending TNCC for a few months now, and nobody actually knows that i actually existed i guess, because after 3 months or so, still no one knew. so i guess it was pretty bad. i seriously felt lonely. and i knew i had to do something at least, but i didnt know what to do, so i started to maybe stay there a bit longer. and well, it kinda work, a bit, because aunties came and talk to me. hahaha.

So im not saying im super lonely, i do know a few people there, like the Hing Family, and Uncle Allan's family, Aunty Khoo and Randy, Seng Wai & Wai Chin. but you see, they have been there for a very long time, and i just joined recently, so obviously, they have their own friends by now. so most of the time i see them with their friends.

So my family signed up for their family camp. and this is nerve-wreaking for me. because im actually afraid that my camp would be like following the schedule exactly, unlike other people, free time means going out and hanging out with their friends. but im scared that free time for me means going back to my room and rot. and i wont go out by myself and sit at a place and watch people play, because that would be really pathetic. i know i stress on little things, Jenruw calls me a Drama Queen. but whatever. I'm scared.

I'm only friendly when i HAVE to be. like last time i used to be an Assistant Deputy, i HAVE to talk to new friends. i have no problem with that. because i was already in a place that im very comfortable with, because i grew up in the church. so yeah. plus i do not know what to pack. because i do not know what kind of stuff they will do. =\ so the camp will be this Friday. Hopefully i made new friends, and i will update on that.

And i seriously gotta remember to update my blog. dush! do remind me if someone is ACTUALLY STILL reading. hah.

=D

Random Updates 1

Hey Bloggers~!

Just some random updates on whats happening lately.

so lately, i resigned... =\ so that i can finish my nail art course. sigh...
so i do feel kind of guilty, sometimes i do enjoy working here, and sometimes i dont. but... of course i cant be there forever. so i will go back and finish my nail art course, and after that im planning to try doing freelance work, hope i can make it. im kinda scared though. =\ if it doesnt, it means i have to go look for a job then... hah.

today im very tired, i couldnt get much sleep yesterday, because of my upset stomach, its not diarrhea. its just really really REALLY uncomfortable... and i slept at 4am yesterday.. woke up at 9:30am... so im very sleepy now.. and the discomfort is still here. puts me in a very bad mood...

so these days, i am watching a lot of youtube videos, and i came across this youtuber "Jacksgap" they are British, and they are Twins! im always very attracted to twins, and wish that i myself was a twin.. their videos are really funny, u can go check them out in youtube if you're interested, but SOME of the videos has the "F" word. I usually watch them when im in a bad mood. hahaha. speaking of twins, Jayesslee has not been posting any videos for a while now. =\ hmm..

and also, recently i lost my phone. someone stole it, i feel really sad thinking about it, so dont ask... but good news, i will be getting a new phone soon, i guess. LOL. so i lost ALL my contacts, so if anyone i know is reading this, please do text me and tell me your name so that we can still keep in touch ;)
and this time, i wanna get a BIG phone, like Samsung Note or something...

OK so since im leaving the shop soon, me and my mom always had to really make sure that our staff knows what to do, especially when we're gone, but they are like so blur, and stupid? i know its not nice to say that but.. i seriously have no other words to describe them. so yea, i'm very worried.. and stressed out, i actually scolded one of them.. and it was my second time actually scolding a person. =\

But... even though im not feeling very well, im still happy lately, because in these following 3 months, 3 people i care a lot about is coming back from their studies, even though they are only here for holiday, but it feels good to get to see them even for a short period of time ^^... YAY~! im very excited about this. hopefully, i get to spend more time with them.  ^^

Sick

Hey readers, lol, at least i still know there's ppl who are actually still reading. keke... and i am so touched knowing that they still read even when i update like once in a blue moon.

Anyways, im sick, im seriously sick... i'm now currently having gastric, fever and diarrhea.. i dont know what is wrong with me. For gastric i know why, because since its a big sales going on recently, i have to order huge amount of stocks, and when they came in, we had to check stock, set up and make price tags and etc. by the time i looked at the time it was already 4pm++ and thats when i have my lunch for a few months. not daily though, only when there's stocks. so at least 1 week once. and adding up to every weekends we had to open till 11pm, and my dinner time is 12am. so yup... but i cant do anything about it.

fever and diarrhea, i really dont know whats wrong.. and why am i always sick?! i hate being sick... because i cannot eat and do the things i want too... like watch Iron Man 3 and eat spicy food or something... 

CURSE YOU SICKNESS!!!! LOL... and if you're wondering why i dont sound sick, it actually took me more than 1 and a half hour to only type this short short post. so in conclusion: i AM sick....