Thursday

Thursday, 1st October 2009, 12:19am.
Hello, now im packing up and ready to shift, I still got a few things left to pack, well I have a good news, and of coz a bad news, good news is, my Hitam Girl is pregnant! At least I think she is though, but her tummy kindda bloated a bit. So I guess she is la,

The bad news is, I just argued with my sis, nothing biggie really, but she is really seriously immature, I cannot imagine I have a sister like her, you know, she never pack her things? She some more can act as if she done so much. I have to admit I have my wrong too, I was suppose to pack also la, but I did, but it took me some time break out of my laziness, but at least faster than her, well, it was like this

I took out all the clothes, my clothes and half of her clothes, coz my cupboard have to sections, folded clothes, and hanged clothes, folded clothes, got another section, one is mine the other is hers, so I took my folded clothes out, and all the hanged clothes, and the hanged clothes was most of her clothes, I only have a few clothes there,

Then I had to fold all the clothes and put in the luggage bag lor, during folding, my sis was playing game, then my mom yelled, only she drag her feet out, then she pack the cupboard where we put all out notes, papers, and books la, then before packing she daringly said, this is HER side, and this is MY side, halo what do you mean by that?! whose clothes am I folding now?! I know I also got complained a bit, but I also did do yours ok! Then furiously I said ok la! Then you pack YOUR OWN things, fold your OWN clothes! And she said I also didnt take out! Who asked you to take out?

I was so freaking pissed that I nearly went there and give a BIG high 5 on her bloody face! But I didn’t la, im not used to slapping ppl though, so fine, I calmed myself down, and told myself, from now on, you pack ur own things, I pack my own, and I will make sure I will do it everyday, until u get scolding from my mom, I will be a good little girl. So I separated my clothes and hers, her clothes that I folded, I just simply unfold it, and throw it on the floor and step on it for all I care, and my mom asked me, why u didn’t pack that clothes wan? I said, oh, they’re not mine.

You know, I really don’t know what have I done wrong against her, since we were young, she, linus and cyrus always bullied me, I didn’t say anything, until they made me cry, then in primary school, she tend to push me away, and for some reason I know she hate me, and the worst thing, she slapped me 2 times, for no reason. And she starts yelling at me for no reasons at times.

Secondary school, when my mom was sick, hospitalized, and about to die, I was so scared, and I cried with my grandma, I was form 1, she comfort my grandma and scolded me when I also needed her comfort, and when Sunday worship I normally sit with my mom, and since my mom is not there, I wanted to sit with her, again she pushed me away. If you hate me so much why did you want a sister?! To make my life miserable? Then I’ll pay back until you are six feet under! So until I know how to make lots of good friends, why now u treat me so good?! And what the hell is in your mind? Not to brag, but I do consider myself QUITE a forgiving person, but you are my sister and yet u treated me like this, without a reason. What do you want from me?

I know I also haven’t been good to you since I have my own friends in church, then that was the time u start treating me good. Because I thought, there’s no need to depend on you anymore. I won’t give you a chance to even come close to hurting me.
I had never hit you, beat you or slap you is because I still respect you. And also because, I have mom. And I still got a lot of her secrets I haven’t told my mom. I have my own secret weapon. I know yen teng u are always reading my blog, actually, I’ve always think twice whether to post these kind of things, but why I post is because not to let you all judge my sis, is not to let you all see only the bad side of my sis, I know she has her own good side, not to let u all see how good am I, but actually, im not as good as you think, I am quite a heartless person, I wont care if anyone dies, I dun even care I die. Like, baby, went to 2 funerals at one day, he was so emo, and grief for them, if it was me, I feel nothing.

Somehow when I think back the things that I want to do to others, it scares myself. And I really wonder how can I even manage to think such things. I myself also don’t know the reason. The more I suppress myself the more I want to do it or say it, for example, the F-word. I’ve been whispering it quite often at home now. I know its wrong so I AM TRYING BLOODY HARD TO STOP SAYING IT so don’t judge me first. This blog will be my journal. And I can say whatever shit I want. You don’t like it? Then don’t come and read anymore. So yenteng, don’t let me influence you. Its not good to be what I am now, same to lee choo, peitze, and all of you who are reading my blog. Geez… I’ve said too much, I should stop. Good night peeps. Muacks!