Replies to yannie, mun and SP
Yannie
i really thank you for talking to me about it today. i write it in the blog is because, 1st, my phone, cannot sms and call. so i cannot contact him, and i cannot use any of my family member's phone and not even my house phone, coz of my family's condition, f.y.i, im very poor. and the 2nd is the only time i can see him is in church. and naturaly when we are in church, we will be buzy, and no time to even talk about all these stuff. so the only way i can speak to him is through my blog. so, dun get any wrong ideas like, im trying to humiliate my bf and tell how bad he is, no. i dun mean that.
i took ur advice, i tried to talk to him, even i feel that it is meaningless, and to tell you the truth, i kindda grown tired of talking to him about anything serious. i raised the issue up and i was waiting for him to tell me something. at least one thing. but nothing. he did ask me, why i din tell him how i feel. then i ask you, how am i suppose to tell, when we dun even have a private time together? and also like you said, nobody is perfect. and everybody is different. i know jr is different from him. a lot different.
Mun
i kindda agree with you, i use my blog to express my feelings. thats why some of you may find my blog is emo. because, i dun tell my feelings to my family. of course, not all guys are like that, at least i trust that jr is not like that. i feel la ok.. i feel that he is just taking me for granted. which is not a really good thing also. and always on the outside i look happy. like awards night. im not happy at all. so now, im kindda stuck in the middle and dunno what to do. i think you and i know that, the decision i made is very wrong, but i really dunno what to do more. and of coz i definately dun wan sakai to end up like bitch. which somehow i feel that, they are quite alike already. so now im just totally LOST!
SP
could you just please reveal yourself? i really have no idea who you are. and im kindda uncomfortable with strangers leaving comment my blog, reading my blog im still ok with it la though. so if you are one of my friends. let me know ya at least. first of all. these are not about taking sides. i know that he unintentionally hurting me. and yes. i expected it already. however, this is too much. this is not one time or 2, 3 times. i reminded him. and every time i do that. what i get. ignorance, you know why? coz he forgot. and he will like everytime go. haiz... eh! this show very nice hor?
i am very tired. each time i have been giving him chances, i gave him a chance on friday after LOST practice. coz i know what he wont read my blog so fast, so i know that he hasnt read that post yet. like he said he promised me. he WILL watch with me. after the practice. Randy came to him.
Randy: yam cha with me
Jen ruw: mm~
just after i heard this response. do you know how much do i feel like crying? do you know? and just after that. i already know that there's nothing more that we can talk about. they are just so important to him, which i dun blame him as well. to me my friends are also very important. but, he actually has the time to be with me. and i think he knows how much exactly i missed him... and how much i want to be with him, coz just for the past few days i've been struggling with my assignments. and no one to really turn to. i really thought about him and he did not even go online. i know in a relationship trials will come. but now, just seems like the only problem is me. im the only one who thinks that this is a problem. where else my other party doesnt. so i think i just have to drop this issue and pretend nothing has happen.
To Baby:
if this is offending you, tell me, i will delete this post and the previous one also. i dun have any intention of hurting you, and actually, you can also do this in your blog, like i said we dun have time together. and each time we are together, i dun wanna argue with you, coz i dun wanna waste anytime being with you. i'd rather use that time to go some where with you and be happy rather than end up crying, and i trust that you know how emotional i am. today when u said i look like crying. i think you know why now. i am really seriously very dissapointed. and i am very tired. i wanna give up, but like mun said. i just cant let go. and recently u said i love you. and u know that. the problem is, yes i know that. but i can no longer feel it. baby, just loving someone is not enough. it is like words without action. sorry is also just as useless if you dun show me that you are really sorry.
somehow i just feel like im always saying what i want from you or what i dun like about you. but you never do that. you just kept quite. is it you dun wanna tell me or what? please tell me... except for the fat pei hei la... coz i know dy wan... and yes. im trying to change. give me some time.
F.Y.I the movie i wanted to watch with him was GET SMART. so can u guys imagine how long?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Promise? what is that?
what is a promise? do you all know? i bet that all of you have been promised by others to do something and end up isn't fulfilled rite? well, i know it's very normal, but dunno why, i really feel very disappointed and sad this time.
jen ruw, i really dunno what to say.. im just speechless.. you promised, and now, what i get? yes,i also promised you your present, but i also told you that i have to get me salary first. you promised to watch with me since it was in the cinema, promised until it now, then u bought the CD, promised me again that you would watch it with me, yesterday i asked you again, and you din say anything, i get the answer, and what is the reason? yam cha. and you said today i watch with you. you know what i feel? today we have LOST practice. i can really estimate the time, it will be until 10 something 11 pm. by that time i will be very tired, do you think i will still wanna watch? yesterday i wanted to watch by myself, you dun let, fine.
well, i realized that whatever u promised me, i must not put too high hopes on you, and also not even having an assurance that: yes! you would fulfilled it. maybe you would say i did promise you some things and fulfilled it. yes, like cooking one dish that is filled with meat and potatoes and cheese, then i ask you back, how long have i waited for it? I'm really tired of reminding you over and over again. anyways, yesterday i went to church for prayer meet, then after prayer, they all will come and chat, so, Barry told me.
Barry: pinjam him for a while la, for a while only
Jason: aiyah, she also dun care wan la.
that made me realize. what Jason said is really true, whatever you want to do, i never object. even though i felt very lonely, but still i let you go yam cha with them, i know i cannot follow coz of my mom. i gave u freedom, so did you. you can do whatever you want, why? some ppl might say I'm stupid, but i dun wanna control you like other girls control their bf. so i gave u freedom. but now it seems like you are coupling with them, more than you are with me, you spend time with them more that u spend time with me.
but, i dun regret, coz now, i know exactly what to do. you can have the freedom all you want, and as for the movie, you can watch it yourself, i no longer want to watch it. and even from now on, whatever u promised me, i will just let it go, and in the future, dun promise me anything anymore. i really cant afford anymore disappointment.
a friend told me, aiyah. guys are like that wan ma, when they know their in the verge of breaking up with you, then only they will change, if not? you slowly wait la~ well, this doesn't apply to me, when i wanna break up, i will break up, whatever you do or say will never help anymore. i just hate guys like these. so, this isn't the best solution, but i know you wont wanna break up, so do i. but this is the only solution i can ever find, since i still dun wanna control you.
after you read this, please dun say, baby, i watch with you la, dun like that la, coz, every time i get this whenever i have an argument with you, i dun want means i dun want anymore. you know? actually, when you said you wanted to go pavilion, then we watch twilight together, i was really happy. coz i thought, finally i can go see the Christmas tree with you. then when u said u are going cyber cafe with your cousin, i got a really bad feeling that i wont be able to go, but since u said, he came back from Australia, and for so long you didn't see him, surely you must have missed him a lot. i wanted to ask u dun go la... but i just cannot do it...
seems like i written too much, but there is still a lot i wanted to say, but it will turn out meaningless. so what for?
jen ruw, i really dunno what to say.. im just speechless.. you promised, and now, what i get? yes,i also promised you your present, but i also told you that i have to get me salary first. you promised to watch with me since it was in the cinema, promised until it now, then u bought the CD, promised me again that you would watch it with me, yesterday i asked you again, and you din say anything, i get the answer, and what is the reason? yam cha. and you said today i watch with you. you know what i feel? today we have LOST practice. i can really estimate the time, it will be until 10 something 11 pm. by that time i will be very tired, do you think i will still wanna watch? yesterday i wanted to watch by myself, you dun let, fine.
well, i realized that whatever u promised me, i must not put too high hopes on you, and also not even having an assurance that: yes! you would fulfilled it. maybe you would say i did promise you some things and fulfilled it. yes, like cooking one dish that is filled with meat and potatoes and cheese, then i ask you back, how long have i waited for it? I'm really tired of reminding you over and over again. anyways, yesterday i went to church for prayer meet, then after prayer, they all will come and chat, so, Barry told me.
Barry: pinjam him for a while la, for a while only
Jason: aiyah, she also dun care wan la.
that made me realize. what Jason said is really true, whatever you want to do, i never object. even though i felt very lonely, but still i let you go yam cha with them, i know i cannot follow coz of my mom. i gave u freedom, so did you. you can do whatever you want, why? some ppl might say I'm stupid, but i dun wanna control you like other girls control their bf. so i gave u freedom. but now it seems like you are coupling with them, more than you are with me, you spend time with them more that u spend time with me.
but, i dun regret, coz now, i know exactly what to do. you can have the freedom all you want, and as for the movie, you can watch it yourself, i no longer want to watch it. and even from now on, whatever u promised me, i will just let it go, and in the future, dun promise me anything anymore. i really cant afford anymore disappointment.
a friend told me, aiyah. guys are like that wan ma, when they know their in the verge of breaking up with you, then only they will change, if not? you slowly wait la~ well, this doesn't apply to me, when i wanna break up, i will break up, whatever you do or say will never help anymore. i just hate guys like these. so, this isn't the best solution, but i know you wont wanna break up, so do i. but this is the only solution i can ever find, since i still dun wanna control you.
after you read this, please dun say, baby, i watch with you la, dun like that la, coz, every time i get this whenever i have an argument with you, i dun want means i dun want anymore. you know? actually, when you said you wanted to go pavilion, then we watch twilight together, i was really happy. coz i thought, finally i can go see the Christmas tree with you. then when u said u are going cyber cafe with your cousin, i got a really bad feeling that i wont be able to go, but since u said, he came back from Australia, and for so long you didn't see him, surely you must have missed him a lot. i wanted to ask u dun go la... but i just cannot do it...
seems like i written too much, but there is still a lot i wanted to say, but it will turn out meaningless. so what for?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Satuday Program
my group sung a mandarin song, yes i suppose few of you who know me will now drop yur jaw... you can close it back now... hahaha! yes, a banana like me is singing a mandarin song... it has 2 parts la, coz the person who recorded it, accidentally tertekan the stop button... but its still ok la... so not to make you guys wait so long... i present to you: 'KEN QIU NI'
Ken Qiu Ni1
this is part one
MOV01308.3gp
this is part 2
this song made me almost tercekik during my solo part... coz i wanted to cough at the same time and sing, and have to suppress it! babi! what a new experience! i know im a banana, and since all of you know im a banana, please dun laugh at me after you watched this video~ i know my mandarin very poor, but, i already tried my best to speak properly dy la... you know how nervous am i a not??? haiz...
Ken Qiu Ni1
this is part one
MOV01308.3gp
this is part 2
this song made me almost tercekik during my solo part... coz i wanted to cough at the same time and sing, and have to suppress it! babi! what a new experience! i know im a banana, and since all of you know im a banana, please dun laugh at me after you watched this video~ i know my mandarin very poor, but, i already tried my best to speak properly dy la... you know how nervous am i a not??? haiz...
Please Stop!!!!!
i had enough! yes, i know jen ruw is late again today for worship, then why must any of you question me? yes, im his gf, but im not his HOUSEKEEPER!!! or even wife! why ask me?!, if all of you are ssssooooooooooooooo concern! then shouldnt you show it to him and not to me?! all of you got a really weird way of concerning a person!
he done his best, at least now he is sometimes really early to church, what more you all expect?! you cannot just make a person change instantly! what the hell is wrong with you people?! shouldn't you all just wait?! if he is really finding excuse let him deal with God la... what for you all care, and i dun really think all of you are really concern about him, you guys are just buzybodies! yes, im also a little bit dissapointed, but hey, i grow numb over it dy, and im always waiting for him to realize by himself. i cannot always tell him to do things, he somehow have to discover it himself! and i also will go crazy if i do so! and you think i like to hear people talking about my bf like that?! yes, i know he has weaknesses, so you guys think you always come early to church then you are so great la is it?! so please~
SHOW YOUR CONCERN TO THE RIGHT PERSON!!!!!
he done his best, at least now he is sometimes really early to church, what more you all expect?! you cannot just make a person change instantly! what the hell is wrong with you people?! shouldn't you all just wait?! if he is really finding excuse let him deal with God la... what for you all care, and i dun really think all of you are really concern about him, you guys are just buzybodies! yes, im also a little bit dissapointed, but hey, i grow numb over it dy, and im always waiting for him to realize by himself. i cannot always tell him to do things, he somehow have to discover it himself! and i also will go crazy if i do so! and you think i like to hear people talking about my bf like that?! yes, i know he has weaknesses, so you guys think you always come early to church then you are so great la is it?! so please~
SHOW YOUR CONCERN TO THE RIGHT PERSON!!!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
pictures as promised~~
this video is about another friend of mine just ffked us! so we recorded a video. haha! *yes, i had a lot of fun!* so... pictures! pictures! pictures!
no! what are you doing?!
beezzzz~~
hehe~~
yeah!
so cute...
its disgusting...
glow in the dark!
lamb~~
OM!!!! the fat~~ im FAT~~ ths is the 1000 years tortoise!
the croc.
too bad you couldn't see it.. a very cute tortise, it will look at you, and the face looks like smiling at you :)
oh~ this is the jeruk-ed frog or toad... i also dunno
we saw it urined and shitted after this picture... hahaha!!!
they stink!
the 4 of us!
the mini TVXQ pose!
junsu and changmin
junsu and yoochun
cangmin and yoochun
changmin, yoochun and jaejoong..
hahaha! this is stupid... there's still A LOT of pictures... but not enough space. wait i go upload another post. hehehe~~
Monday, December 1, 2008
the zoo!
im going to the zoo tomorow! yeah~~~ yes, i know im very childish. but im still very happy! although im still sick, but i have to go, me and my friends planned this so long ago, so i cannot bear to let them down. and we will take lots of pictures, so i'll show to you all ya? hehehe~~
byeeee~~
byeeee~~
Fainted~~
hahaha~~ Friday, i went to donate blood at my college, coz they have this blood donation campaign every 3 months later, so me and my sis wanted to try, coz first of all, we never donated blood b4 and wanted to know whats the feeling like. and second, we havent know your blood type yet! hahaha
so my blood group is~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A!!!! hahahaha! well, after donating blood, im suppose to rest, i did. very long, so no effect, then i got class ma. so have to go to class lor, one hour later, which is about 11 something, i wanted to buy something to drink, coz i start to feel giddy. so went i was taking a cup, i start to faint a bit, but im still conscious la. so i was on my way to the cashier, then i fainted
lucky that uncle sense something is wrong with me, and quickly ask his wife to hold me, after i wake up, i rarely remember anything i have done, so blur. after that at night i have the MAD practice which is for the outreach night. then saturday, i tiba-tiba got flu b4 water war start, then bcoz gideon tak cukup orang ma, then have to play also lor... f.y.i, my commander dunno what happened to me wan... i did not tell him anything... so dun blame him.. then sunday, die! cannot get up. have high fever, bad sore throat and flu. then i was thinking, shit! the MAD! how am i suppose to sing like that?! how?!
so 2.30 or so like that, went for practice. cannot really sing at all. so on the presentation day... have to force myself to sing lor.. quite hard to sing also.. then today! i have midterm exam! yeah~ die more faster! i didnt read at all! sick ma~ so weak now.. then today, i forgot to bring my file, my friend ask me huh?1 so how?! then i said, what how? die la.. hahah~~
ok i have to go now out of things to say.
so my blood group is~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A!!!! hahahaha! well, after donating blood, im suppose to rest, i did. very long, so no effect, then i got class ma. so have to go to class lor, one hour later, which is about 11 something, i wanted to buy something to drink, coz i start to feel giddy. so went i was taking a cup, i start to faint a bit, but im still conscious la. so i was on my way to the cashier, then i fainted
lucky that uncle sense something is wrong with me, and quickly ask his wife to hold me, after i wake up, i rarely remember anything i have done, so blur. after that at night i have the MAD practice which is for the outreach night. then saturday, i tiba-tiba got flu b4 water war start, then bcoz gideon tak cukup orang ma, then have to play also lor... f.y.i, my commander dunno what happened to me wan... i did not tell him anything... so dun blame him.. then sunday, die! cannot get up. have high fever, bad sore throat and flu. then i was thinking, shit! the MAD! how am i suppose to sing like that?! how?!
so 2.30 or so like that, went for practice. cannot really sing at all. so on the presentation day... have to force myself to sing lor.. quite hard to sing also.. then today! i have midterm exam! yeah~ die more faster! i didnt read at all! sick ma~ so weak now.. then today, i forgot to bring my file, my friend ask me huh?1 so how?! then i said, what how? die la.. hahah~~
ok i have to go now out of things to say.
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