Hi People~! If there's even anyone who still read this, hahaha... i know i havent update a lot... mainly because i dont have anything special or meaningful to post anyways, and i dont want to do post that i used to like the random stupid things or childish rants that i used to do... hahahaha..
Anyways, today i did my quiet time... i have to admit, i dont usually do them at all when i go to church often, but since now i cant go as often as i would want to, i start forcing myself to do quiet time, because i feel it is in this time i need him the most to not stray away from him, because working in Bangsar, well, it has a lot of temptations! and recently, i have been very very grumpy if i dont do my quiet time, some how, reading the bible, calms me down, and neutralize my mood.. maybe because working everyday makes me grumpy..
so, going to my topic of the day, The Brevity of Life, well, my english wasnt so good, so i had to go online to search for the meaning, it means the short time of human life, and yes i agree, well, this statement mildly hit me, because, i have been through a lot a lot of funerals, ever since i was young, and as i grow up, death doesnt seem like a threat at all.. i cannot recall how many funerals i have went, but only 3 affected me a lot,
1. Raymond's Funeral, i wasnt close to him in anyway, but he helped my family a lot, when my mom was sick, and we had no one to work to bring food to the table, he helped us a lot.. i only knew when my mom recovered and suddenly wanted to give him money, and i was like, Why? and thats when she tell me the whole story, he did this in a very secretive way, i think, not many ppl even knew he did it.
2. My dad, i hated that man all my life, and i even tell myself that when i see him, i will scold him and blame him for leaving us and never even came back to see us once, and also not even visiting my mom in the hospital. but when we reunited through a funeral of his eldest son, (his first family) my sis ran into his arms and i was just like when i was young, hiding behind my mom.. because the image i was had inside my head of him was, black hair, rather tall, handsome, but that man i see that day was, a little hunch backed, full of white and grey hair, and crying like no body's business when he saw my sis, and cried even harder when he saw me. Anyways, to cut the story short, we forgave and forget, and spent a lot of time together until he died.
3. Of course, for people who knows me Jen Ruw, well, i wont say much about him, because nothing matters anymore, even though he cause a lot of pain, anger and hatred.. but i Thank God, that he died, i know it sounds really bad, but if he hadn't, i would have never forgiven the both of them, i know i have my faults in the failed relationship, but saying giving me time to change and then 1 month later breaking up with me. and then 1 week later hearing rumors with another girl, doesnt help even a bit, (if there is 1 person who can change their bad habits in 1 month. pls introduce to me, i would really want to learn from that person.) he has many brother's to stand by his side, but i dont really care, but ever since he died, his real reason of breaking up with me, just slowly reveals it to me, and i gotta say, i am very dissapointed... dont get me wrong, i dont hate him. i forgave, but i still once in a while remember the times when he first started how happy i was and then would sigh on how it ends. Hahaha... but i still care for his mom, because she was very very nice to me..
So, since these 3 affected me so much, the conversation of death, is a very calm topic to me, im not sure whether calm is the word for that but, everytime when my friends or relatives we talk about death, they seemed so uptight, and in disbelief and keep saying touch wood... and i wanted to answer them back this: you think touching the wood would really save you from death?or even prolong your life? and why are you not accepting the fact, that one day no matter how old you are, you WILL die??
I saw a grave of a baby girl while going to visit my grandpa's grave, my ex, died even before he can make a family of his own which he wanted so so bad. and by the way, truthfully, i dont know whether he died because like what everybody said that God called him home, or is because he drank too much alcohol? because even though we broke up, we still remain friends, and chat online until very very very late, and all the sudden he told me he is craving for alcohol, and went out to the nearest shop to buy some. and with a hole in his heart since young, i seriously dont know the true cause of his death. I will ask God when i die.. and now the latest, a kid, missing and thrown into the river, and now they found his decomposed body...
So since we all are gonna die, why not just enjoy life in a healthy way, i dont mean to go encourage people to go clubs and drink till you're wasted, or go do crime because Y.O.L.O.. How i behave, and treat customers can also glorify God, in a way, i do not know how, but im sure i can, so yea, i have to control my mood, and not be so grumpy. so hopefully, one day i can get an off day, to start enjoying my life. hahha..
Offended? well, dont be, this is just my opinion.. i am not Emo btw.
You Can't Control The Length Of Your Life,
But You Can Control Its Depth.
by Our Daily Bread
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